WALLOWING IN OBSCURITY, is what I think would be a great name for my autobiography.
That's how I feel some days, not a lot of days but some. Today.
I've been writing for oh so many years, since I was about 12 or 13. Started with short stories, moved on to plays in high school and somewhere in my 20's I decided to write screenplays because film was where it was at.
Like so many before me, I had a dream to be famous, to work in Hollywood with great directors and actors.
What a fool I was.
These days I just want to be noticed as a writer and not just by my family or friends, who are my personal fan club. It's great when your family or friends love your work, it's not so great when they think it's just a hobby. It's even worse when they make you start to believe it too and that dreaming is a waste of time, unless you do things a certain way.
I used to enter screenplay contests, back when I first started writing, but the cost became prohibitive over the years and frankly I wasn't getting anywhere. I did make it to the quarter finals with one of my scripts once. But back in those days you didn't get script notes or anything unless you won.
Of course, I was a baby writer then, whose skill was raw and I'm guessing not very polished. I had no mentor, as many don't, no money to attend writing courses since there weren't any online then, and frankly I was a little bit filled with my own hubris at my abilities.
These days, I'm a bit more seasoned, more skilled as a writer, but can't afford competitions as paying rent and eating are bigger priorities. Being an impoverished screenwriter is a bit like being a starving artist but the artist can just display their work on a street corner. What can a writer do? Well, there are things we can do.
We can post our scripts on free script hosting websites like Script Revolution for one and hope that some producer or director or someone sees it, and likes it and contacts you.
We can try and make connections through online friends and/or groups and have your work forwarded to a friend of a coworker of a boss who might have a connection and hope they have time to read your work and hope that they see your talent and want to work with you.
Or we can try and fund a film ourselves and try and get into film festivals and hope that brings some attention our way.
So, there are a lot of things we can do.
There is also a lot of competition and you have to hustle pretty hard sometimes just to get noticed. Talent alone won't take you very far, in fact in might not take you anywhere.
So, what I'm getting at, in a long and roundabout way, is that I'm having a bad day. I'm feeling a lot of self doubt and maybe a little bitterness that all my efforts are not paying off. That nobody that can make a difference to my career notices, that I'm not on the radar. And that makes me really sad and angry and frustrated and *sigh*...I think you get my point.
But I try to be upbeat, to stay positive, to keep faith that I do have some talent and that I will get my chance someday. I'm not getting any younger though.
And so, here I am, wallowing in my obscurity, working on my craft and doing what I can to get noticed and wishing, I wish I may I wish I might, get noticed and get a nibble and get asked to write something for someone. Or even sell one of my finished scripts.
I see all these others finding success and I read their work and it's good, but I think mine is just as good, so what am I doing wrong?
Nothing, everything, I just don't know today.
I sometimes wonder if anyone actually even reads my blog.
lol
Okay, enough wallowing. I'm going to go watch more Arrested Development and see if I can find my heart again.
End scene.